That's what I feel like recently... Like I am going off the Deep End! Yesterday I took my 2 year old son for a walk down by this little river type thing. I enjoyed the walk for the first 5 or so minutes then the time came when we were getting closer to the water. I don't know what it is about water, maybe its the fact that I can't swim that great, I can doggie paddle but when it comes to saving someones life I am sure that would not save anyone. Or the fact that when I was a little girl some of my parents friends took me out in the middle of this river/lake not sure what it was in one of those Styrofoam boats and it was dark and I about had a heart attack. Either way I do not like the lake, the ocean, the river, pond etc. Pools are "ok" but I don't really like them much either. So back to my story. When I am walking with him this is what I picture. We get to close to the edge Rhylee falls in, he has his shoes, pants, sweater and big jacket on, he is 2 can not swim and I would assume automatically sink. The water is DARK, dirty and deep. What if he fell in I jumped in and he was under the water and I could not find him, by the time I did he could no longer be revived, or if he was revived the nasty water infected his lungs..it happens. I would have no control of the situation. It scares me so bad. That is why I choose to just not go to those places. I would NEVER consider bringing both kids because I would lose my mind trying to keep them away from the edge of the sidewalk. It has put a damper on a lot of outings though. Example me and Mike take them to the duck pond and I am literally almost having a panic attack and you can tell Mike is a little flustered because if either one of them gets a little to close to the water I freak out. If I never went to the water again it wouldn't bother me but I don't want my kids to be freaked out like me. I also don't want my kids to end up drowning which is one of my biggest fears.
Pic Above..
As you can see the water is not close, but to close for comfort for me.
I think it's every mother's fear for her children. Maybe not with water but all mothers fear something happening to their children and not being able to save them. I use to have dreams when my kids were 1 and 3. We lived in Gun Barrel City and the only way to get from one side to the other is to go across this big bridge with the lake underneath. I'm talking atleast 3 miles long with nothing but water. Anyways I use to have dreams of us having a reck on there and us going into the water in the car and trying to figure out how I would save both of them, or if we would all drown, or if I would be able to save one but not the other....It's crazy how you mind plays with you!!
ReplyDeleteHey Steph I don't like the water much either, I mean I can swim but not very well not enough to save anyones life. I just remember being in swiming class and diving off the diving board and looking up once I was in the water and seein all of the water on top of me freaked me out and I thought I was going to drown! My friends daughter doesn't like baths and think she's afraid of water because her Mom and Grandma have a big fear of water as well. Maybe its genetic? I don't know but when I did take Chase to the beach for the first time this year I was pretty nervous. So there's a lot of people that feel the same way.
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